I have anticipated this moment for so long that now that it’s here, I don’t know what to say. It’s surreal to be finally sharing the news. Am I dreaming?
But it’s all really happening.
I’m 18 weeks along now and time is already completely flying by. Especially since I feel as though I basically slept through summer. You guys weren’t kidding about the fatigue…wow!
Adam and I opted to wait a bit to start telling people, so I kept a personal video diary the whole time. Edited it down to 11 minutes, if you want to see what this weird and wonderful journey has been like so far, here’s a peek:
I also want to mention that I know many couples are struggling with fertility right now and I wanted to say that I see you and I’ve grieved with you and I have so much hope for you. This entire process from trying to pregnancy is a huge lesson in how random and unfair things can be, and mostly how out of our control it all really is. Love and light, my friends xo
This is just an excuse to post a wedding photo, 3 years later 😉
Last year when I wrote a little something about what a frustrating time we were going through in our marriage, it struck a chord with a lot of people. Healthy conflict within relationships isn’t necessarily widely shared, and I think it was a sigh of relief for a lot of people, like, “Oh, they have problems too!” Our second year of marriage was definitely the toughest within our 11+ years together and I’m glad I opened up to share that with you.
If you’re looking for an update, we’re still married! It took a ton of work on ourselves and our relationship, but things are much different and vastly improved compared to last year. And thank goodness we’d done the work because we’ve endured some tragedy and grieving over the last year and I’m not sure our relationship would have been okay without a strong foundation.
I’ve been doing a lot of reflection on the past year and wanted to share three big lessons that I’ve learned in our marriage. This list is not really surface level “laugh every day and don’t go to bed angry” kind of advice, so it might not be your thing. But, if you want to get in the nitty gritty inner workings of things, then here you go!
You Have To Work On Yourself
I’m not talking about going to the gym and consumerism self-care like bath bombs and reading books (though, all lovely and welcome activities). Let me lay it out for you. Adam and I were both in denial, especially of our emotions, stressed about everything, and hit total burn out in our careers and life. The first step was acknowledging this, but the next was seeking outside support. We both go to individual counselling (still haven’t been together, though I’m sure it’ll inevitably happen one day) and have committed to this practice for life. I cannot even tell you how incredible the outside emotional support has been and I cannot recommend it enough!
I have done so much soul searching over the last year, it has been…exhausting. Every day feels like an emotional rollercoaster and it’s the toughest struggle I’ve ever endured. Honestly? I’m already so much happier for it. It’s messy and uncomfortable work, but I know that the long-term effects are going to be incredible.
Why the first two years of our marriage have been the toughest of our entire relationship.
Adam and I have been together for over a decade, and living together for more than half of that. I really thought that marriage would be a simple, almost invisible transition for us. A couple of rose gold rings and a new title, just surface level stuff. I don’t know what it was, but the power of exchanging vows in front of all our friends and family brought profound shift within us and our relationship. All this time, being thoughtful and patient about each stage of our union, brought us into marriage at a time of great personal chaos.
The fact that the only other recent photo I have of Adam and I is a blurry iPhone selfie taken in the windblown back row of a mini van says it all. Ten years! I mean, holy smokes. I don’t think I’ve committed to anything for a decade.
A million moons ago, when I was in 8th grade, I made the tough life decision to quit my piano lessons. I was feeling bogged down by school, long hours at the dance centre, gymnastics, skating, the yearbook committee, the school play (I performed a really convincing ‘Boots’ in Newsies. One of my favourite Disney movies, and the film that launched my crush on Christian Bale), volleyball, and those regretful few weeks when I joined the basketball team (until I realized mid-game that I knew nothing about the rules of the game of basketball). High school was also just around the corner and really, did piano up my ‘cool factor’?
I had my usual Wednesday afternoon stomach ache on the way to my piano lesson, filled with extra anxiety as I dread having to say out loud that I wouldn’t be coming back. Sitting in front of her on that stiff and squeaky bench, avoiding eye contact and instead fixating on those ivory keys, I finally spat out that I quit piano. And as if that wasn’t terrible enough for a 13 year old, visibly disappointed, my piano teacher then informed me that I’d quit everything ever for my entire life, because “I was a quitter”. Which, at such a young and fragile age, was downright mean (can you tell I’m still not over it? I’m sure this will all come out to a therapist one day). I feel like looking her up now to be like HA! You were wrong Mrs.B, look at this shining example of something I didn’t quit for 10 years – wow, go me!
Though, I doubt that it would really be as satisfying as it seems. Mostly, I apologize to my husband, for using such a momentous occasion to bring up the traumatizing piano quitting story. It’s just that I have complete word vomit lately. Last week, I met up with someone from a local company I’m collaborating with and though we only spent about 15 minutes together, I managed to ramble for the entire time, confessing unnecessary stories that pertained to the industry and even describe a video I’d watched on Facebook earlier that day. I keep thinking to myself that I needed to stop talking, but the words kept flowing and I left our interaction wishing to forget it. Maybe nervous rambling is better than an awkward silence? Who knows. I digress.
The other night, I asked Adam what I should write about in honour of one year wedding anniversary. He stared back at me and kind of shrugged. I revealed that I was thinking of writing about the highs and lows of marriage thus far and he seemed a bit surprised by the sentiment. “Think about it,” I urged him, “We honestly couldn’t have squeezed in any more life changes in the last 365 days if we’d tried!”
There was all the notable moments for our friends. Tons of our close friends and family got married. Two of my besties had babies and more of my close pals announced they have little babes on the way. We experienced a big loss when my Uncle Daryl passed away. There was a perfect amount of travel involved the last 365 days. Together, we spent 3 weeks in Italy for our honeymoon, went to Palm Springs for Melissa’s wedding, enjoyed a week in Playa del Carmen with Adam’s company, had a delightful Easter weekend in the Dominican Republic with Adam’s family, explored Toronto for a few days en route back, made our way to Austin, Texas for the first time, and then to Cancun for Kate and Andy’s wedding. I also spent a week with my friend in Hamilton, Ontario, a few weeks in London and Ireland with Alex, and a lovely trip to San Francisco with a Saschie and Kate. In terms of travel, we certainly went for it this year! There was the fact that for the second time in a year, our apartment was flooded and we were forced to move out for over a month and go through a renovation…again. Personally, we went through some things as a couple. I changed career paths and opted to blog full time. Perhaps inspired, Adam actually recently just gave notice at the company he’s been with for 8 years and is now in the midst of a big career change as well. There’s a few other big things, but some events for us and close friends aren’t really to be shared online, as I’m sure you can understand. Even without the other points, it’s obvious that this year has been a heck of a lot.
It seems that we just happened to wed within that time in life where everyone is going through massive change. Marriage and babies and death and new jobs and being lost and finding yourself again. It’s a bit crazy, but it definitely made us realize the ‘work’ portion of marriage that everyone advertises actually exists. When we’re shaken out of familiarity and the comfort of our mundane everyday and thrown these curve balls. That’s when you’re put to the test.
Amongst the stressful chaos of the wedding, our go-to music was Beck’s latest album, Morning Phase. It was relatively calming and helped us keep our sanity the night before the wedding. We’ve listened to it since and are transported right back to our Pemberton suite the night before the wedding, frantically writing out seating charts and cards. This morning, on our impromptu anniversary trip to the Naramata Bench, we drove into town for breakfast. Sitting out on the patio, sipping our coffees, I suddenly heard the faint sound of Blue Moon playing in the background. Of all the songs to hear on the morning or our anniversary, it just happened to be one from the album that we so heavily associate with the wedding. Just felt like a bit of a sign, ya know?
In honour of our one year anniversary, here’s a little stroll down memory lane:
Just kidding. I’ve only ever made 3 video blogs. The title stems from my attempts at a little something called “consistency” and “keeping a schedule” and “gaining some control over my content”. I love creating videos and now every Tuesday, I will be posting a VLOG for your viewing pleasures! It’s just too much fun not to continue doing!
This latest VLOG episode is from our last 2 days in Austin, Texas. I may or may not have convinced Adam that we need to make the 3 hour round-trip drive to Waco, because my obsession with Fixer Upper reached peak levels. Check it out for yourself below, and don’t forget to give the thumbs up/subscribe!
AHH! So, I’ve been shopping around for a new camera for months because my Nikon D5100 has seen much better days. I was also considering switching to a Canon because my friends Alex and Jill both have 6d’s and the photo quality is superb. But, after a ton of research, I decided that the Canon 70d might be the best option for me, as I have REALLY been wanting to do more videos/vlogs and the auto focus is unmatched. The DAY before we left for Austin, I went into Best Buy with complete determination and I tell ya, I left that place with a brand new camera and not one, but TWO lenses, all for less than I’d been willing to pay. Shopping around for months was definitely worth while! I’ve made the big switch to Canon and I couldn’t be happier. Nerding out over new camera equipment means that this brings us to our very first video blog! We’re really nervous/excited to be sharing some of our trip with you and really hope you enjoy it. Be sure to subscribe to my channel, there will be a new vlog up soon!
This is a little bit crazy to think about, but as of today, Adam and I have officially been together for nine years. NINE! Our first date feels like just yesterday and also a lifetime ago. There’s been so many ups and a couple downs, which we both know will be the case for as long as we’re together. We just went for a dinner date to celebrate and maybe it was the wine, but we started talking about how the heck we’ve managed to get here. And there’s no point to keeping these findings to ourselves! We’re not “perfect” by any means, but who is? Here’s an impromptu list of 9 things we think have helped this relationship last for, well, nine years.
Two days after the wedding, we sat out on the deck of our Whistler mini-moon accommodation. I opened up my Rifle Paper Co. notebook and removed the cap from my black Faber Castell Pitt pen. Nothing motivates me to write like a new pen and a fresh notebook. I’m a total stationary junkie. Adam poured us some glasses of wine and picked an Indie Spotify playlist. Despite our lingering fatigue, I insisted that we sit down together and take the time to jot down our very favourite memories from the wedding day. It’s so funny when these little moments are happening, because you feel like your mind could never possibly let go of these distinctly lovely scenes. It’s those little details though, that soon get muddled. And so, being me, I wanted to make sure we wrote it all down.
Now, I know that Shari and Mike are the best of the best, but I sure was over the moon when we got our photos back and they literally captured exactly what we loved about the weekend. And so, I must credit them for this post, because without Shari and Mike, these 15 points would simply be written down in a notebook that I probably wouldn’t look at for 10 years.
You should first check out our rehearsal dinner and, of course, our wedding day. If you’ve already completed your required reading, then without further ado (yeah, I don’t think I say that irl…), here are our 15 favourite wedding memories:
